


Don't you think I've tried

by Secondgenerationnerd



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Anger, Bat Family, F/M, Family, Father-Daughter Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Parent(s), OCs - Freeform, loss of a spouse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-10-24 11:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10740687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Secondgenerationnerd/pseuds/Secondgenerationnerd
Summary: After Kor'i dies, her family is left to pick up the pieces.





	1. Don't you think I've tried

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! Welcome to my very first post on AO3! I've been writing on Fanfiction.net (Tina Titan) for about 4 years now but thought I would switch over. For anyone who is not familiar with my other stuff, I mostly write stories about my favorite couples from TV shows and their kids (who are often my OCs). I tagged Mar'i Grayson in this story because I wanted to include her, but call her Sophie (my headcanon of her middle name) for reasons that will be explained later in this fic. I know Dick and Kor'i in the comics never had any other kids, but here they have triplets who are ~14 years younger than their big sister. 
> 
> Some background, all the parental figures have just returned after being held captive for 3 years.

It’s been over a month since Kor’i died. To say things were back to normal would be a lie. The adults who had just spent three years in captivity are still getting used to being with their kids again and dealing with the fact they aren’t kids anymore. The teens are adjusting to having their parents back in their lives because at this point they had a routine of their own and their parents are out of place. For some it’s been easier, but for others...not so much. The Graysons being in the latter category.

Having lost their mother after spending a few hours with her, the young Grayson triplets had changed. Sapphire now had screaming fits whenever she messed up and pushed herself far past her limits, often leading to injury, the latest being a broken wrist. Richie hadn’t said a word since the funeral, which wasn’t uncommon, but Matt West swore to the others he’d heard Richie breaking furniture in his room and screaming. The most drastic change is Emerald. She’d always been the most like her mother, laughing and babbling at top speed, slipping in and out of Tamaranian, flying around the tower more than she walked. No one could get her to laugh or even smile in weeks. She just sat quietly, looking out the window, trying to hold herself together. She’s only four, they remind themselves everytime they see her tiny figure curled up tight. The two that no one saw major changes in were Nightwing and Sophie. This doesn’t surprise anyone since the two having years of suppressing their emotions under their belts to keep them normal.

No one knows how much it’s been eating away at both of them. Sophie’s heart seems to break every morning because for one moment she would forget her mother was gone. Dick has pulled away from everyone, even his children. Neither knows how to ask for help. So they go about their days as normal. Training, hacking, fighting bad guys, making sure the league has up to date records, more training, calming Sapphire down when she gets into one of her rages, pushing food away, staying up well into the night working, working, working. Everyone knows it’s a matter of time before they break.

Sophie helps Emerald button up her blouse after her nap. The little girl looks her big sister in the eyes and Sophie feels her heart break. Emerald is a carbon copy of their mother, same pure green eyes and same fiery red hair that curled or straightened as it pleases. Sophie pushes the heartbreak down.

“Is Daddy angry at me?” Emerald asks.

“Why would you think Daddy is angry at you?” Sophie frowns. Their father had more or less locked his children out, but Sophie knew it was just an emotional response. It didn’t mean that he was angry… did it?

“When he looks at me, his face tenses up. He never talks to me. Did I do something wrong?”

“Daddy is just… sad, Em. I promise he isn’t angry.” Emerald doesn’t look convinced. Sophie pulls her sister into a tight hug.

“You seem angry too.” Emerald mumbles into her sister’s ear,” You and Daddy get the same face when you look at me.”

“I just miss Mommy.” Sophie sighs. A flash of a memory passes before her. Her mother picks her up, tickling her belly and singing to her. Sophie bites her lip, hard, to keep from crying.

“I miss her too.” Emerald says,” But I don’t understand why you look at me like that.”

Emerald and her siblings are much smarter than most four-year-olds, but Sophie forgets that they’re still naive about some things. Sophie closes her eyes and sighs.

“Emmy, I am sorry if I’ve made you think you’ve done something wrong. You look so much like Mommy, that it hurts to see you.” Emerald’s eyes well up with tears.

“I’m sorry! I can’t help it.” She cries.

“I know, baby. I know. It’s not your fault and to be honest I’m jealous. You get to see Mommy every time you look in the mirror, and Mommy was very pretty.” Sophie offers her sister a tense smile that the toddler doesn't return. Sophie sends her to the living room so she can get a snack and goes in search of her father. She finds him, where else, in his office working. She knocks on the door frame,” Dad, do you have a second to talk?”

“I’m busy, honey.” He says quickly.

“It’s about Emerald.” Sophie sees her father’s head perk up at his youngest daughter’s name,” She thinks we’re angry at her.”

“Why would she think that?” He turns to face her. His thick black hair is streaked with gray and his once bright blue eyes are dull and surrounded by dark bags. She briefly wonders how she looks in his eyes. She isn’t his little girl anymore, she’s been through too much shit to be that, but some part of her wants him to grab her and tell her everything is ok. Dick studies his daughter and wonders what’s going through her head.

“She says every time we look at her, we seem angry.” Sophie steps in so the door closes.

“I’ll talk to her.” He turns away, assuming that will be the end of the conversation.

“When?"

“When I’m not busy.”

“Dad, we both know that won’t be happening anytime soon.” He whips around.

“Excuse me, young lady?”

“You’re going to keep yourself busy and you’re going to ignore them.” the words come out more bitter than she meant for them to be, but she does nothing to change her tone.

“I’m doing my best-”

“To bury the pain. Don’t you think I did the same thing when you all got captured?!” Her volume begins to rise as the pain she’d forced down comes back up,” It’s not going to work and you’re going to hurt them-”

“Don’t you dare tell me how to raise my children!” He’s suddenly towering over his daughter. She laughs, too loudly and too short to be real.

“You haven’t been here long enough to raise them! Who do you think changed their diapers?! Who stayed up all night with them when they were sick?! Who sang them to sleep after they woke up from a nightmare?! Who let them stay in their bed when they couldn’t fall back asleep?!” She growls,” You’ve been gone for three and a half years!”

“That wasn’t my fault!” He shouts.

“I’m not saying it is,” She shouts back,” But ignoring them isn’t going to help!”

“IT’S WORKED BEFORE!”

“BEFORE ISN’T NOW, DAD!” Sophie yells,” I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU, BUT YOU’RE BEING SO FUCKING STUBBORN!”

“I DON’T NEED YOU TO HELP ME!” Her father yells,” I AM YOUR FATHER, I DON’T NEED YOU TO FIX ME!”

“I’M NOT TRYING TO FIX YOU! I’M TRYING TO KEEP YOU FROM DESTROYING OUR FAMILY! WE DON’T HAVE OUR MOTHER ANYMORE AND YOU’VE MADE IT SO WE BARELY HAVE OUR FATHER! IT’S NOT FAIR THAT YOU’VE PULLED AWAY FROM US!” It feels good to scream. It feels good to get angry. She’s never seen him this angry. His eyes narrow and his face turns red. He keeps his arms at his side, fist clenched tightly. He gets angry just like she does,” I HATED IT WHEN YOU DID THIS TO ME WHEN I WAS LITTLE! YOU DIDN’T LET ME IN AND I AM THROUGH TRYING!”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT, MAR’I?!”

“I WANT MY DAD BACK! I WANT TO STOP ACTING LIKE A FUCKING MOTHER TO MY BROTHER AND SISTERS! I’VE HAD TO DO IT SINCE I WAS 14 AND I AM OVER IT! YOU’RE HERE, YOU’RE BACK, YOU’RE ALIVE! IT’S FINE TO MOURN MOM, BUT NOT LOCKING OUT YOUR KIDS! I WANT YOU TO BE A FUCKING FATHER TO YOUR CHILDREN!” She screams so loud it feels like her throat is tearing in half,” ’m useAND THE ONLY WAY THAT IT FEELS LIKE I CAN GET THAT IS TO HELP YOU! SO WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP YOU?!”

“YOU WANT TO HELP?!” He shouts,” BRING YOUR MOTHER BACK!”

“DON’T YOU THINK I’VE TRIED!” It’s suddenly very quiet. Sophie’s voice breaks as she talks,” Don’t you think that I’ve asked Aunt Rae and Aunt Zatanna and Lila and everyone I could think of? I’ve researched spell after spell, spending hours and hours trying to find someone or something that can help. I have spent weeks looking for an answer, but there’s nothing. Mom is gone. And she would hate you for abandoning your children.”

“I haven’t abandoned you!” He meant to shout that, but seeing her holding back tears, he can’t bring himself to.

“Yeah, you have. I'm used to it, but Emmy, Sapphy, and Richie had six months with you before you all were taken. They don’t remember you. Now all they know is how distant you are, how cold you can be. They know the absolute worst of you.” The two look at each other in silence. The few times they’d fought in the past, this has happened. They reached a point in their fights where there was nothing left they could say. That’s usually where her mother would come in, and she wouldn’t say anything, just look at them like she knew everything they felt no matter how hard they pushed it down. Kor’i was so much better dealing with fights. She was better at being a mom. She was just better.

And now she’s gone.


	2. What Can I Do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys!!!! I know It's been forever since I've updated (ok two weeks, but it's forever for me). I've been crazy busy with school finishing and other stuff. I will try to upload some more of my works from my fanfiction.net account to here (if you're impatient and want to check it out, look at the end notes for my username) K love you!

Dick Grayson has plenty in his life to feel guilty about in his life- everything from personal fails to mission fails, but the times that the guilt was most horrible was when he messed up with his kids. He hasn’t spent a lot of time with his younger kids, but that’s not his fault. It just hurts to be around them. Sapphire has his and Kor’i’s temper, but she also has his intelligence and her mother’s mercy. Richie is definately his son, with the same stoic nature. Emerald… His throat closes as he thinks of his youngest daughter. He loves them all, but it hurts to be near them.

The guilt that’s eating away at him right now is due to his oldest daughter. Sophie had come into his office an hour ago worried about her little sister and it ended with them fighting. He rarely fought with her like that when she was thirteen. Mostly they argued about training or missions, things that not a lot of fathers discussed with their daughters. Dick hangs his head and sighs. Who was he kidding? It’s been three and a half years since he last had a hand raising his children. He’s not a father to them anymore. Not the kind they deserve anyway.

“Hey, man.” Wally and Artemis come into the office where he has been hold up for the last two days. They’re two of his oldest friends, and even they have a hard time figuring out what he’s thinking.

“Hey, What’s up?”

“Two of your daughters just yelled at each other fo a solid five minutes. Sapphire was going on about how Sophie wasn’t her mother and she could go to hell. Sophie yelled something about how she was trying and no one fucking saw it.” Artemis raises an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to explain.

“We had a fight.”

“No shit, sherlock.” Artemis sits on his desk and half stares half glares at him. He tries not to think about how many times she’s looked at him like that over the years. Or how many times her daughter as no doubt looked at Sophie like that.

“Why are you looking at me like that!?”

“Because we’re worried about you, dumbass,” Wally leans against the desk opposite to his wife. They clearly weren’t going to leave until they heard everything, so that’s what he told them. Wally shakes his head,” Dude, really?”

“How am I at fault?” Dick asks through gritted teeth.

“I’m not saying you are, but- Sophie is right. You haven’t been there for your kids. You lost your wife, but they lost their mom. You of all people should understand what that-” Artemis silences Wally with a dark glare.

“I do understand. I understand how they must be feeling, I just… I don’t know how to talk to them. It’s not like I know the first thing about my younger kids. Hell, I don’t even know how to talk to Sophie.”

“Dick, do you really think it’s been easy for any of us?” Artemis asks,” And don’t say it’s different because of the family dynamics or powers or whatever the hell you want to say it is. We’ve been gone for almost four years, and you’re right it isn’t your fault that that happened, but you have to consider how hard that was. They were only a few years older than you were when…” Artemis falters not wanting to compare what happened to them as to the death of his parents. He seems to get the idea though so she moves on,” They suddenly weren’t a bunch of teenagers forming a team. They had to take care of three babies and protect the city.”

“We did almost the same thing.” Dick points out.

“Yeah, but we also had normal lives outside of being heroes. Other than Parker, none of them have had a normal life. Matt and Jania, as hard as we tried, learned early on that they had to look out for each other. Because Arty and I were never garunteed to come home.” Wally points out,” Look, I’ve been here a few months longer than you all have. You think I showed up and the kids just threw their arms around me, calling me daddy? Jania was furious with me, with what happened. After he got over being super thrilled of finding me, even Matt wouldn’t trust me. It took me a good month before they started to talk to me like anything other than a patient. Jania didn’t start calling me Dad until a month before we found you all.”

“My kids aren’t like yours.”

“Yeah, because Soph was an only child for thirteen years, and the triplets are four. I’m pretty sure I know what you were expecting. You wanted her to still be your little girl. The one that asked you question after question, the one that laughed when you chased her, the one who called you to chase away the monsters, the one that never dreamed that you could hurt her.” Wally shrugs,” I wanted the same thing, and to be honest, I’m happy I didn’t get that girl. Our daughters, all of them in your case, are strong. They are different and powerful and brave. Lila was willing to die because she refused to believe that her only choice was to kill her brother. Jania, God love her, has a strong moral sense of right and wrong, but doesn’t mind breaking rules if it helps someone she loves. Emerald still asks us if we’re ok every morning, even though she hasn’t smiled in God knows how long. Sapphire, despite her temper, has hugged her brother and sister every day. Sophie loves her brother and sisters. I’ve seen her with them. She makes sure that they eat, sleep, bathe, and other things that most older sisters don’t do.”

Dick looks at a picture on his desk. Sophie is about seven years old in it, wearing a white gi with a red belt. She smiles at the camera, missing her front teeth, bright green eyes shining and thick black hair in pigtails. Dick can’t help but smile a little at the eager look in her eye. Then the smile falls,” You know by the time she was eight, she could kick my ass in fights. It wasn’t even because of her powers. Sophie fought smart, didn’t throw more punches that she had too. I was- am so proud of her.”

“But…” Artemis says, noticing the concentrated look on his face.

“When my parents died, I remember telling myself I never wanted kids because I couldn't put my kids through the pain of losing me. Then I joined Bruce, and it just seemed to be the best option. Why bring a child into the world when there’s this chance that I could be killed? Then they showed up,” Dick smiles again,” Four years before they were all born and there they were.”

Artemis and Wally know what he’s talking. Almost twenty three years ago, Jania had arrived in 2016, at the age of 17. Which was great because she helped get her father back from the speedforce. Then she got poisoned and ran away just as Matt and Sophie had shown up. They understand how odd it had been seeing their children, especially when Matt had been born three years later. But it also gave them hope when the kids went through rough patches, because they knew that they would get through it.

“When I saw her, I thought it was like with Connor. Someone cloned me, or she was punking me, or something. I kept thinking, she can’t be mine, she can’t. Then that building exploded and we should have died. We would have if she hadn’t caught that wall.” He pauses,” There was this one moment, after she pushed the wall away, that she looked so beaten down. Like the weight of the world was pressing on her shoulders trying to see how much harder they needed to press until she broke, but she pushed back. That’s when I knew. I knew she was .”

“She was freaking scary when that happened,” Artemis says,” My first thought was, holy shit, I don’t want to piss her off.”

“Gets that from her mother.” Dick suddenly gets this very tense look on his face, and blinks rapidly. Artemis places a hand on his shoulder, and speaks firmly.

“I know you miss her. We all do. But you can’t let that pain be the only thing that you feel.”

“And you can’t lock it out.” Wally says,” That might keep the bad away but it also keeps out the good.”

Dick looks at the only other picture on his desk. It was taken a few weeks before the adults were taken. The kids were all in Sophie’s room, fast asleep. Sophie had been studying for something and the triplets liked climbing on their big sister. Emerald (or was it Sapphire) cuddles close to Sophie’s arm. Sapphire (or was it Emerald) curls up of her sister’s back, with little Richie asleep on her book. Kor’i smiles at the sleeping kids, like she was trying to say they’re so sweet and they’re ours. 

“I’ve been a dick, haven’t I?” Dick asks.

“Well it’s your name so….” Wally accepts the swift and painful punch to his shoulder from his wife. 

“You’ve made bad decisions,” She says to Dick with an evil glare at Wally,” But you can fix them.”

Dick stands up,” I need to find my daughter.”

He leaves the room and goes to where he’s almost certain Sophie will be- The training room. Whenever a Grayson needed to think through things, they cleared their head by training. He’s sort of right, meaning one of his daughters is in there. Emerald tries to backflip across the squishy mats only to fall flat on her face. Emerald hits her temples in frustration. 

“Come on, Emmy.” She says sharply to herself. She stands up and runs across the mats before flinging herself forward. She throws herself into a series of back flips. The whole setup is perfect except for the landing. She stumbles back and falls on her butt,” DARN IT!”

“Emerald?” The little girl spins around, red curls flying everywhere. She meets her father’s eyes. There is a small moment of pain when he sees her but he pushes it down. He thinks she doesn’t notice. She does. Her green eyes fill with tears.

“I’m sorry, Daddy!” She starts to cry. Dick is taken back by her sudden outburst. She cries and cries. Dick moves over and hugs her. She cries into his shoulder,” I’m sorry, Daddy. I don’t mean to remind you of Mommy. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry, Emerald. I’m so sorry.” He holds Emerald as she cries into his shoulder. Emerald takes shaky breaths, trying to calm down. The mint smell reminds her of Sophie. It makes her feel safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have this thing with the Batfamily where I just love drama. If you want to confirm that, you can go to fanfiction.net and look up Tina Titan. Gonna post a couple of stories tonight


	3. It Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working on another chapter for this!! Like a new one, not an edited one.

Sophie’s not sure if there are words to describe how she feels right now. Anger doesn't begin to cover it and sadness isn’t going to cut it either. Her eyes sweep across her room, taking in account for how little things have changed. Since December, she and her boyfriend of almost two years have been sleeping together in his room, so she rarely spends any time in here anymore. He’d questioned this, After all, his room was just a spare bedroom. Her room has been hers since birth. She doesn’t remember what she told him, but she knows it wasn’t the truth. She couldn’t stand being in this room. The memories overwhelm her everytime she steps in. Matt is one of the few people that can stop the memories from crippling her completely.

But right now she’s not sure she can face him right now or anyone for that matter. Sophie doesn’t even really remember what Sapphire had done, she’d just needed to let out some anger from the fight that she’d had with her father. It was a scream filled five minutes between the sisters, Sapphire itching for a fight as much as Sophie was. They’d yelled at each other, not really understanding what they’re staying anything. They just needed to scream for the sake of screaming. Sophie regrets it. She’ll apologize later, but sometimes she hated her siblings. She loves them to death, but she hates the fact that she’s had to mother them. She didn’t get to be a teenager and that pisses her off.

Sophie’s room hasn’t changed much since she was little. The walls are the same midnight blue with those stick on stars creating constellations. Her circular bed, which had been her mom’s, is covered in the same black cover and her night stand is littered with pens and wires. There’s a small picture frame face down on it. She picks it up and stares at the picture. It’s from the one and only family photo shoot she had with her siblings and parents. Her dad holds her sisters and her mom holds her brother, bot of them smiling widely. Sophie stands between them, fourteen years old and a perfect mixture of her parents. Her black hair pulled into tight ponytail, curling slightly, and her green eyes shining brightly. She looks so happy, caught in the moment with her family. Whole and well. Together. Her eyes burn as she slams the picture down on her desk. The desk has a few papers tossed on them and a few of her books fall from the book shelf above it. 

“SHIT!” She yelps as a large book falls on her hand. She doesn’t bother keeping her voice down. Since she was young, many of the rooms don’t allow noise to escape them, but noise can enter. Great if someone is trying to sneak up on you, better if you and someone else are having alone time (something she’s come to appreciate more over the last year and a half). Sophie pulls her hand up, disrupting the book further. She glares down at the book’s title. It takes a minute for the word to process through her mind. Memories. Bile rises in her throat as she lifts the heavy book, filled with pictures and memories of her mother, of a family that no longer exsists, and throws it as hard as she can against the wall. It busts through just to the side of her bed.

Sophie screams in frustration, in rage, in fear. She screams at all the unfair things in her life. She screams at the loss of her mother and the isolating distance from her father. She screams at the heat of everyone’s pointed stare, waiting for a moment like this, waiting for the moment that everything snapped, to occur. She screams and it feels good. As she screams, a familiar feeling washes over her, wrapping her in a memory, or rather the ghost of one.

Sophie isn’t much older than eight, laying in her bed, listening closely for the sound of footsteps. She doesn’t have to wait long. Through her door she can hear her mom and dad both speaking quietly.

“Should we check on her?” Her mother’s soothing bright voice asks in a hushed tone. Sophie sits up.

“She’s probably asleep by now.” Her father says in a similar tone. Sophie’s heart pounds against her tiny rib cage.

“Dick, you know as well as I that she doesn’t settle down until after we’re both home,” The door opens, light pouring into her room. Her father’s shadow moves towards her.

“Hello, princess. Shouldn’t you be asleep?” He asks teasingly, kneeling beside her bed.

“Are you ok, Daddy? Is Mommy Ok?” She sees her mother looking in, and desperately wishes that she would hug her.

“Mommy and I are just fine,” Her father touches her cheek,” You on the other hand seem to be a bit sweaty. Are you sick?”

“I just don’t want you to die!” She flings her arms around her father and tries hard to hold back her tears.

“Die?” Her father asks,” Why would you think we’d die?”

“Mommy’s mommy and daddy are with X’hal,” That’s the name her mother always exclaimed rather than God,” Your first mommy and daddy are in heaven with Grandpa Bruce’s mommy and daddy. Uncle Gar and Uncle Victor’s mommies are both in heaven-”

Her father chuckles, not unkindly, but in a defeat,” I see what you mean.”

Her mother sits next to her, stroking her dark hair,” Bumgorf, you know what we do, correct?”

“You help and protect people.” She says. Her mother smiles.

“Yes, but what happened to Mommy’s parents and Daddy’s parents, they were not related to what we do now.”

“But you could still get hurt!” she exclaims.

“Hey,” Dick hold his daughter's cheeks,” I don’t think we can promise you that we won’t get hurt, but I think we can promise you that we will love you as much as we can everyday until we die.”

“That’s not fair,” her voice breaks,” Why can’t you do that and not get hurt?!”

 

“Because, bumgorf, we are heroes. We have to make the hard decisions that no one else wants to. It’s a part of growing up and being kind to others.” Her mother explains.

“That’s a dumb part then,” Her parents laugh.

“I guess it is.” Her father smooths back some of her hair, before speaking her first name in a very serious tone,” Mar’i, you know that one day Mommy and Daddy won’t be here, right?” She nods,” Well, I promise you this. Mommy and I will live long enough to give our blessing to the love of your life.”

“Daddy, that’s gross!” A smile appears on the little girl’s face,” You promise?”

“I promise,” Dick looks at Kor’i,” Does Mommy promise?”

“Of course I do,” She kisses her daughter,” Now, it’s time for bed.”

She crawls under the covers, her mother tucking her in. Both her parents kiss her goodnight, her father tickling her neck to make her laugh. They look at their young daughter at the door. Her mother murmurs something to her father. Something about doing right by her. Sophie falls asleep with a smile on her face. 

The ghost fades from her mind, and she’s eighteen again. She’s a big sister again. She’s alone again. Well not alone. There’s a soft knock on her door. Sophie’s breath stops, her throat burning. How long had she been in that ghost? How long had she been screaming? A second, a minute, an hour? More? A soft voice enters the room,” Sophie?”

“Aunt Raven,” The words come out barely above a cracked whisper. She unlocks her door, allowing her aunt in. The older woman looks at her and at the hole in the wall above her bed. Sophie’s lived with her aunt for most of her life, but she’s the only person aside from her dad that she can’t read. Years of emotional repression that a member of the Bat Family could only dream about. Sophie sees her aunt’s violet eyes soften and that’s when she moves back,” Please don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Raven asks.

“Don’t give me that look of pity that everyone seems so damn fond of lately.” It hurts to speak loudly, luckily her words hold their own without volume.

“Sweetheart, there is a very big difference between pity and worry. We’re worried about you, but none of us pity you.”

“I don’t need you to worry about me,” She crosses her arms stubbornly, pushing everything that hurts down. 

“You might not need it or want it, but you have it.” Raven holds her hands up in defense,” Let me explain. Losing someone isn’t uncommon, especially in this life. But this was your mom. I know you know that, but I don’t think you know how to express what you’re feeling.”

“Bull. I know how, and this is how I do it.” 

“Pushing the pain down doesn’t make it go away. It doesn’t stop the hurt. It makes it worst,” Sophie doesn’t answer, most of her effort going into trying not to cry. Her aunt maybe hard to read, but she’s never had a problem understanding what others are thinking. 

“Can you make it go away? A spell or charm or potion? Something, Anything.”

“I could, but I’m not going to.”

“Please, Aunt Rae. I can’t stand this anymore,” Sophie feels her walls slowly crumbling, no doubt the work of her aunt’s magic,” I don’t like feeling like this. I don’t like feeling so…”

“Vulnerable?” Her aunt suggests. That’s it. That’s the word she’d been looking for. Sophie nods, blinking tears out of her eyes. Raven places a hand on Sophie’s shoulder,” Mar’i, you don’t have to pretend to be stronger than you are. Not with us. We’re your family and we love you.”

Sophie tries one more time to push the pain down, but fails. She can’t breathe, her chest tightening uncomfortably. When she manages to exhale, it comes out in a sob. She slumps down to the ground, holding her midsection, sobbing. Raven rubs her back in small circles. It hurts, the pain and loss and fear and loneliness, it hurts as it all comes up. If she could she would scream, but instead she sobs quietly. 

“I know, sweetheart, I know,” Her aunt comforts as she lets her niece cry.

“It’s not fair!” Sophie exclaims in a harsh whisper,” Mom is suppose to be here! She’s suppose to see the triplets grow up, see me get married, fight crime, be a mother and a grandmother, help the girls through their heartaches and get Richie to talk. He never talks to us, and Mom got him to tell her everything. He seemed so happy with her, and she’s gone.”

Those words burn more than the tears. Sophie covers her face,” She’s gone, she’s gone, she’s gone.”

“Yes, She is, but you’re here.” Raven makes Sophie look at her,” You and your brother and your sisters and your father. You all are still here. You’re still blood and you still love each other. Your mother was better at getting you kids to show your emotions, but from what your friends tell me, you became very much like your mother.”

“They said that?” Sophie wipes her eyes.

“Yes, they did. They said you were kind and helpful and pushed your own feelings back in order to help someone else. That is very much your mother,” Raven smiles,” When we were captured, the one thing that kept your mother alive as long as she was, was you. The fact she knew you would take care of your siblings. Every day, she would tell us, don’t worry, the kids are fine, they have each other. And everyday someone asked how she kept her hope. She looked at them and said ‘because my Nightstar isn’t here.’”

“Do you think that seeing us being capture is what killed her?” Sophie asks.

“No,” Raven smooths her hair,” I think the fact she didn’t have the medication that was keeping her alive is what got her in the end.”

Sophie smiles at her aunt’s bright realism,” I miss her.”

“We all do,” Raven takes note of the dark bags underneath Sophie’s green eyes,” When did you last sleep?”

“Without waking up an hour later after a nightmare and training the rest of the night?” Sophie looks at the ceiling, her eyes burning with the memory,” The night Mom died.”

That was nearly two months ago. Raven helps Sophie up and into bed. Sophie doesn’t bother fighting her. Raven tucks the blankets under her niece’s chin, and the young woman looks at her aunt,” Can you charm me so I don’t have nightmares?”

Raven places a few fingers on Sophie’s forehead, silently invoking a charm. She leaves the room as Sophie’s heavy eyelids start to shut. Then a panicked thought makes her wrestle to open them. She stands up, wobbling as she crosses the room to her bookshelf. Just on top sits a five legged teddy bear, her attempt at an arts and crafts project with her parents when she was little. The bear fits comfortably in the palm of her hand. The mismatched fabrics clash horrible, but Sophie doesn’t care as she stumbles drunkenly back to her bed. As her head hits her pillow, another ghost passes by.

“Mommy, why does the bear have an extra arm?”

“Because They need two legs to stand on, one to keep others from hurting you and two to hug you like this,” Sophie falls asleep to the sounds of her and her mother laughing.


	4. We Can Get Through This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry guys!!! I got another job on top of the one I already have and work every single day. I've had pretty much no time to myself. I'm going to update my stuff with everything I have written and add new stories to my page within the next week, scouts honor

Sophie’s body is moving before she’s even aware that she’s awake, her hands searching for her boyfriend’s warm body. She’s grown accustomed to him pulling her as close as he could. Him murmuring sweet words in her ear. Sometimes he would still be asleep and murmur to himself. She’d listen to the odd whispers and grunts as he slept. On cold winter mornings, it was perfect. In the summer, between both of their high body temperatures, she’s pushed him away more than once.

 

Finding only empty sheets, she opens her aching sleepy eyes. The sky outside her window matches the dark ocean, tendrils of pink on the horizon. God, she’s spent too much time with Matt and Jania, the writer and artist of the team. Sophie sits up, the five legged teddy bear she’d grabbed the night before sliding off the bed. Someone must have come in last night and changed her out of her street clothes into a stolen T-shirt from Matt and running shorts. The air in her room is significantly cooler than the covers, making getting out of bed that much harder. She finds a note on her desk written in small neat letters. It takes her a few minutes to decipher the note even though it’s only a short paragraph. Fucking dyslexia.

 

Hey Soph,

Came to check on you and saw you were asleep. I changed your clothes, with magic of course, and wanted to let you know so you didn’t think someone took your clothes off while you were sleeping. Are you ok? You seemed upset today and Mom isn’t saying anything. Tomorrow will be better. I promise.

Love Lila.

 

Sophie feels her heart break a little as she reads the note. Lila Logan, her cousin, has been to hell and back. Literally at one point. She has been at the center of a prophecy and should be dead, but instead, she’s here. Helping Sophie. Sophie doesn’t deserve to have Lila as her friend.

I don’t deserve any of them She thinks as she walks through the halls to the roof. The quiet of the tower seems like a different dimension compared to the normal chaos and noise of its occupants. Her feet make almost no noise as she walks up the stairs and opens the door to the roof. She crosses to the railing (something that had been installed a few months after she was born) and leans against it, waiting for the sun to rise.

 

A memory pops up, not as a ghost, just as a memory. When she was younger, she had problems sleeping through the night. Mom and Dad didn’t worry too much about it, given their family. Her dad would wake up early and come to check on her. She would almost always be up. He’d smile and pick her up. She remembers the smell of his shirt. The way her legs dangled in the air. The soft bumps as he walked up the stairs, still carrying her. They’d go up to the roof, and he would sit with her in his lap, so she could watch the sun rise with him. He would tell her,” Today is a new day with new possibilities, Starshine. Today is the day where anything and everything is possible.”

 

“I'm surprised you remember that.” Sophie turns and sees her father standing behind her. Sophie feels an embarrassed blush rise in her cheeks. She sometimes spoke her memories aloud without realizing it. Her father moves to lean on the rail next to her, looking out to the horizon. Neither of them comment on the foot of space between them,” I think the last time we watched the sunrise together was a few years before the triplets were born.”

 

“We stopped when I was 9,” Sophie says, ashamed. She remembers thinking that it was babyish to keep the tradition going like there was something wrong with watching the sunrise with her dad. It had been the only time neither had ever felt like they had to be stronger than they were. Some of the pressure that had been there the day before vanished and it was easier to breathe. Now there is this loaded gun between them, neither wanting to reach for it out of fear of where it could lead.

“Soph, I’m sorry.” Dick says, turning to face her, scared that he might mess up what he needs to say,” I’m sorry for everything that’s happened the last few weeks and the last few years.”

“It’s fine, Dad,” She rests her head on her arms.

“No, it’s not. Sophie, I know I haven’t always been there for you. I know that growing up with me was probably not easy and that it was frustrating because you wanted to know more about me. I’m sorry that you had to grow up so quickly and I’m sorry that I didn’t see how much your mother’s passing had hurt you.” Sophie is quiet for a second, her face tight with pain as he mentions her mother.

“It’s not just you, Dad.” She looks at him,” It’s just a number of things that have built up over years and years.”

“Yeah, you and I are bad at talking about what bothers us.”

“Yes, yes we are. It’s part of the Grayson charm.” Dick manages a small smile. “I had a ghost last night, about the time when I told you and-and Mom how I didn’t want you to die.”

“I remember that. You said because all your biological grandparents were dead, you were scared that we would end up the same way.”

“Yeah, after you all were taken, I remember thinking to myself, I knew it, I knew this would happen.” Sophie blinks back tears,” I- the only thing that kept me going, as stupid and childish as it sounds, was that promise. You and Mom promising to live long enough to give the love of my life the ok, it kept me going.”

Dick looks at his daughter for a moment, trying to understand what she’s been through and knowing he couldn’t. Just because they’re family, doesn’t mean that he understands what she’s been through the last three years. Instead, he looks up at the sky, where few stars remain,” When your mother told me she was pregnant with you, I remember being terrified. I think I lost consciousness for a minute. I remember losing my parents, and how much that hurt, and how I put myself in the line of fire every day. I didn’t know if I could be the father that I wanted to be if I could protect you from all the hurt in the world.”

Sophie bites her lip, blinking back tears. Dick turns his head and tucks a dark strand of hair behind her ear,” And then, I held you for the first time. You were this tiny little thing, practically skin and bones, and my god what a set of lungs you had. Your mom put on this silver chain with a clump of metal on the end and we watched it turn into a star.”

“Yeah. My necklace,” Sophie touches the small star that constantly hangs from her neck, her brother and sisters having similar ones they wear,” Mom said that it means I would guide others, even after I had burned out.”

“She said that much to me, too. Just after she put it on, she told me, then smiled at me and said ‘She’ll strong like us.’” Sophie smiles, trying to imagine her mother saying that,” Then your mother holds you out to me. Keep in mind this was three years after the whole ‘Jania-coming-back-in-time-saving-wally-and-you-and-Matt-coming-back-to-save-Jania’ fiasco, so I knew what you would look like when you were older. I knew how you would stand like you were about to do a front flip, walk so softly that even I can’t hear you, how you would sometimes stumble over a word but quickly recover. I knew that you would be able to hold yourself up high and not let anything hurt anyone you love. But I looked at the tiny baby you, so small and squishy faced and innocent, not able to do anything but exist. I looked at you, and I thought ‘How the hell am I going to raise this tiny thing into the strong independent young woman I meet?’”

“Tell me how ” Sophie feels a bit of the tension release from her chest as she listens to her father.

“I don’t know, to be honest.” He says with a small, genuine smile,” it seems like you took all the bad in your life, all the pain and anger, and made it work for you. By the time you were six, after the joker thing, you looked me in the face and said ‘Daddy, one-day Joker won’t hurt anyone we love ever again.’”

“That was after I found out about Uncle Jason right?”

“Yeah, it was.” They sit there for a second, at that point yet again. Neither sure what to say and knowing that if they leave it here nothing will change or get better.

“Dad, you know you can’t fix this with just an ‘I’m sorry’ and a story right?”

“I know. I also know that I have no idea how to fix this, what to say, or what to do from here on out. I do know that I want to fix this and I will try my hardest to be there more for you and the triplets. I'm going to be there for you, Mar'i.”

“Ok. And I will try to give you a break because you have gone through a lot and you lost Mom too,” Sophie looks her father in the face and smiles lightly at him,” Look at us, handling our problems like adults. Mom would be proud.”

She says it lightly like it could be a joke, but neither of them take it that way. Dick takes a chance and pulls her into a hug. He expects her to fight and shove him away. Instead, she hugs him back, trying to remember why she felt safe in his arms. Was it because he'd always told her that he would protect her or simply because he was her daddy? She's not sure, but a little bit of tension eases from them. They can do this. They can start over. They can be a family again. They both watch the last of the stars disappear from the sky as the sun rises over head. The start of a new day and new possibilities    

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! I will try and get the other chapters I have written up posted some time soon.


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